shock me shock me shock me with that deviant behavior

For better or for worse

I love Sex and the City. I’m a Christian, but the only Christian bands I know are Switchfoot and Reliant K (and I thought they were secular at the time). I had no idea Baylor existed before my senior year of high school…and yet I went there. I went to Baylor and lived in Kokernot. I’m impulsive. I’m clueless. I’m gullible. I’m careless. I don’t always make the best decisions. Sometimes I hold grudges. Occasionally I drink…alcohol. I don’t think alcohol is the devil, unless it becomes an addiction. I’m self conscious. I’m insecure. I’m not always a good friend. I have a potty mouth in bad traffic. I’m always running behind. I get turtle eyes when I cry. I cry at the drop of a hat. Both of my parents have been divorced. . . twice. I don’t think Catholics are going to Hell. Felicity and Veronica Mars and Bridget Jones and Elizabeth Bennett are my heroes. I’ve NEVER fantasized about my wedding, never picked out a dress, never swooned over a bridal magazine. I have obsessions. I’m obsessed with all things Disney. I have definitely had facebook stalking moments. I liked, no loved, boy bands. I like hip hop/rap songs even if they have profanity. I sing at the top of my lungs in the car and in my apartment. I dance around when I’m excited about things. I throw pitty parties for myself. I judge. I have a fear of failure. I have a fear of becoming either of my parents. I don’t know exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life. I watch a lot of tv. I shuffle my feet when I walk. I trip often. I can’t swim, swim. I’m neurotic. I’m passive aggressive. Sometimes I leave the house without makeup on and I‘m ok with it. I prefer cats over dogs. I used to tell people my dog that ran away was Benji, the famous dog (in my defense, I really believed it). I apologize when somebody runs into me. I say sorry sometimes when I don’t really mean it. I get tongue tied. I have verbal diarrhea. I’m self centered. Sometimes I do think it is all about me. Aaaaand I’m human.

Am I proud of all of this that I am? No, not everything. Do I hate myself for the bad things I do? No, definitely not. Do I try to change some of it? Yeah, of course. So now, it all out there. No more surprises. Well, maybe some surprises...

“So what? Do you want a cookie?” --you ask.
Yes, please. A pre-cut, stamped, Pillsbury sugar cookie with a glass of low-fat, vanilla-flavored soy milk.

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Right, so this is a two parter, because I wrote this a few days ago and I couldn't connect to post it (oh the perils of living over budget. thank you NETGEAR, my internet provider). Since then, I've thought a lot about things and I've come to a conclusion, thanks to my friends at Deperate Housewives.

"The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference"--good line.

So, yes, I take a lot away from song lyrics, tv show quotes, etc. etc. Anyway at first I was very angry about something that happened a few days ago. Like seething mad. But, now I'm working toward indifference, because I don't like to go to bed with headaches every night, and I want to be an optimist and live a happy life. Music helps. a lot. Thank God for music. So, on Sex and the City Charlotte once said that it takes half the time you were dating someone to get over them. So...for something that wasn't really a friendship should take...oh...say....about a week and a half. ;)

So, this will be the last slightly somber post for a while (I hope). Look forward to happy times and ch-ch-ch-changes.